Hello 2018

We're three weeks into 2018, and it really hasn't gone the way I planned. I had planned to eat healthier, clean more, do more activities with my kids, and maybe even get both the dark and light loads of laundry done in one week. I had a chore list printed out and pinned on my cork board and I had even printed out an EXTRA deep-cleaning list! I was going to Get. Things. DONE. And so, obviously I set myself up for failure.

The one thing I had not planned on was getting sick. I could feel it coming on NYE, and watched my poor daughters start coughing and sniffing. We all had colds, and it was miserable, but it wasn't awful. I was still able to go out and do some grocery shopping, and I managed to keep up on dishes, and the first week went more or less smoothly. Then last week we ran into a snag, as Meggy's cough got worse, which it always does in the winter. Poor kid, she gets her bad lungs from my side of the family. It was ok though, other than an incident where we did NOT have a date night because Wren wasn't feeling well and Meggy coughed so hard she hacked up some mucus at a 'parent's night out' it was manageable. We all went to church and I was ready to start off week 3!

Except.

My voice had started doing this funny thing. I didn't really pay attention to it on friday, when my Mom told me to be sure and drink some tea over the weekend. I didn't pay attention to it when I woke up voiceless with a SUPER sore throat on Saturday. And of course I didn't pay attention to the fact that I couldn't sing along with the congregation as I lead the hymns on Sunday. I was too busy counting beats - apparently it's very difficult for me to conduct beats if I'm not singing them. Who knew?

It should not have come as a shock on Monday morning when I woke up feeling hungover, but it did. It should NOT have come as a shock that my poor daughter complained of her ear hurting (I had ignored the twinge in mine for the past 2 days) so much that she cried for three hours, but it did. The only good shock came when my sweet husband came home early to take Meggy to her appointment, so I would't have to go out in the cold.

The worst day was yesterday. This horrible throat/sinus he** kept me from doing anything except oozing on the sofa playing The Greatest Showman on repeat, while my children danced around in their underwear and diapers around me. Really, they did that. I have videos to prove it, but I don't want those videos to come back to haunt my children in their teens. I'd rather use them for my own private blackmail.

Today was hard mentally. I have given every day in January my ALL, yet I've felt as though I was completely failing. I didn't know what I'd done wrong, just that something or someone was punishing me for not doing enough. I honestly did have a little breakdown then, and smashed a chocolate cookie into thousands of tiny bits (did I mention I had given up sugar too?) After a good cry, and self-therapy session, amazingly the sinus pressure in my nose had subsided. My throat was raw, but not shooting with pain, and my nose was clear. Sometimes a cry reallycan done one good.

Maybe 2018 isn't the year that I get everything done. Maybe 2018 isn't the year that I get my house looking 'pinterest-worthy', or start a chore chart that everyone follows. I still think eating more healthy and getting more exercise are worthy goals to keep this year, but I really need to examine WHY I want to keep those goals. Is it because of superficial reasons? Or is it because I really want to focus on making myself the best person I can be?

I think I was starting the year with an outlook of more, more, more, and look where that landed me! In a pile of tissues. (seriously, I'm really going to have to clorox this laptop when I'm done typing) I think I need to look at this year with more of a 'good, better, best' outlook. Hopefully I can keep to that, and record how it goes as I continue on in those goals.

Of course not now, because I'm going to California next week and seriously intend to stuff myself with In-N-Out, and my Nana's amazing pancakes while I'm out there.