Early morning birthday musings
My birthday was yesterday, and while I'm up early in the morning nursing my precious little girl, I got to thinking about everything that's changed over the last year.
(My 21st birthday)
Last year's birthday was pretty fun. Even though I don't drink, turning 21 seemed like some sort of milestone. I was happily in love and married to the guy of my dreams, I had just been made full-time at work, Thomas and I were excited about his upcoming graduation, and I was just happy to be an adult, living the life I had chosen. Thomas took me to an outdoor bar in Baltimore for a birthday surprise, and I remember thinking (as I slurped down my virgin margarita) if life could get any better?
Fast-forward a year. I made and lost some pretty wonderful friends - thanks both to work and moving. Thomas graduated with honors and has a wonderful job that he loves, that doesn't wear him out nearly as much as his old, part time one did. We're in a HOUSE (not something I thought I'd be saying for a nother two years at least!), in a completely different part of the country, with a crazy spastic cat, and.... Wait for it.... A BABY. A really truly breathing mini-human. There is no way I'd have imagined my life changing is much in just a year, but you know what they say.
People make plans and God laughs.
I particularly feel as though that's been the case this past year. Every time I made plans, Heavenly Father turned around and said "nope, that's not happening." Thankfully I was usually able to see that life was even better his way! The saddest thing that's happened in this past year was the fact that Thomas and I had made really good friends up in Maryland, and we (I) miss them so much. I know that our move down here to southern VA is definitely where our little family needed to go, but it still saddens me that I had to leave those wonderful people behind.
I've changed in this past year. I think my personality made a change for the worse, as I had to deal with all types of people at work. I became cynical, a little depressed, and snippy; I'm so glad that I'm able to be a SAHM now.('Stay At Home Mom', for those of you not knowing the lingo.) Just in the couple of months hat we've been living here, I've had my faith in people restored to me. Living in a small town where people open the door for you, where they say hi, and ask how you're doing is so refreshing. Thomas keeps remarking how different my personality is now that I'm not pregnant anymore, but I think it has less to do with postpartum, and more to do with my laid-back lifestyle.
Ever since I was a little girl, I knew I wanted to be a mom. If you'd ask me what I wanted to be when I grew up, I'd reel off an entire list (" A tap dancer, a singer, a horse rider, a trumpet player, and actor, a piano player...") but I'd always end it with "and a Mom!" I've never had great ambition in school or academics. I love learning, and I love teaching, but I just haven't had the ambition to find a career in any if that. Even looking at my list from when I was little... You'll notice that lawyer and doctor aren't in that list!
Being a Mom is hard. If its hard now, when all Margaret does is eat, sleep, pee and stare at me, I can only imagine how the coming years are going to be! However, I've finally gotten to my goal! I may never be that famous actor as I once imagined, and I may not have the fun adult life I was picturing for Thomas and myself a year ago (at least, not for another 18 years) but on my birthday yesterday, I realized that I now have the best job anyone can ask for. I get to take care of this little one (and any others who might come along in the upcoming years) and I get to teach her, and show her all the cool things her life has to offer. I get to have cuddles, and kiss ouchies, and be the mean old mom who puts her in time-out.
I thought I was excited last year when I turned 21. But this year, turning the ubiquitous age of 22, I am ecstatic. I have no clue what awaits me in the year to come, but that's ok. I'm excited to see what happens.
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